So I almost dropped all of my classes today. Every single one. I've never felt like such a failure in my life. Or maybe I've just never failed like this before. In a "contest" where every single point matters, mediocrity is rewarded with pretty much what it deserves: nothing. Sadly, I've actually considered NOT going to med school after this, mainly because I don't know if I could hack it. It's really depressing when something you've dreamed of doing for as long as you can remember now seems so far out of reach.

I told my parents I was failing at life today. I told myself that too. A lot. I don't get why I see that I am failing miserably at everything that I am trying so hard to succeed in, yet somehow I can't fucking fix it. Or me.

I think they (my parents) are worried. I know they're doing all they can to help me, but I'm a "big girl" now and this is really something I have to do on my own. Maybe that's why you aren't supposed to start college til the same time everyone else does. Maybe that year of bump-aheadness wasn't as beneficial as I've always seen it. Those "important grade school years of development" yeah, maybe I shouldn't have missed one of those. Or maybe I'm just dumb. Way too fucking dumb to be an engineer. Or a doctor. Or anything I aspire to. Perhaps I should just quit while I'm ahea...while I'm not too far behind.

Or maybe I should just quit bitching. Whatever.