Awaiting the fireworks

So Christmas is over, the presents all given and recieved, the food all eaten (except a little strawberry pie I'm hiding in the back of the fridge hehehe). I think I'm better off than I was before Christmas, in pretty much every way possible. It's amazing to me how just a holiday can make things better. Just the "spirit" of Christmas can bring a person from tears of worry and sadness to tears of joy. This Christmas was kind of odd though. It felt like Christmas, but at the same time...it didn't. I really missed my Grandma this year...it's odd to me how she's been gone almost 3 years. It seems like barely 6 months ago to me... everything has been moving so quickly. I look back and my head is spinning at everything I've missed. There are so many more things I've wanted to do by now...I want to slow time so that I can go through and enjoy every beautiful thing that confronts me. I feel like I'm being shoved through a small hole and told that my only objective, my only focus, is BME. I am to have no life, no free time, no friends. I realized over the break that my best friend...the person that I talked to about everything up until college...that I hadn't seen her in 6 months. I found that ridiculous. I know that I'm supposed to be moving beyond everything, but... to leave a best friend behind? Sometimes I look at the path I am leading and wonder if anyone will even be there at the end. In 3, 5 ,10 years, will there be anyone there? I hope so. I've been wondering if the path I have taken is the right one for me. Should I really be an engineer? I mean, come on, look at me...do I look like an "aspiring ENGINEER"??? I don't know what else I would do, but sometimes I think I'm making a bad choice. It's not a very good feeling. Being somewhere you aren't sure you want to be...with nowhere else you want to go... I know what I don't want, but somehow that doesn't narrow it down enough. I just hope I don't end up at the end of a dark tunnel with nothing surrounding me but blank faces and shattered dreams.