Yes, I did delete the last post. You probably read it anyway.

So, school has started now...suprisingly more of a letdown than I would have hoped. I mean, it's great to be back in the dorms (ie away from home), it's great to see everyone again, it's great to be back....but so much crap that I've had to deal with already. Jeez..! But eh it's not that important. What's important is that after the not-so-good summer, I'm back to things being okay. We're back to it too. Which is good.

I went for a little while kind of lost....I didn't know where I wanted to be, who I wanted to be. I led myself astray; I was both the wolf and the sheep. I felt as if what had seemed so right wasn't -- like I had been turned upside down and shaken until my brain oozed out my ears. I think I can say that I've stuffed by brain back in and things seem to be calming, more things are being realized, less forgotten. I want to find myself still, I'm climbing my way back, one hand over the other... "a tenth of a mile at a time". I want everything to be allright, I would say that I want the world, but I don't. The world is a terrible terrible place, and I think I am much happier here, with just a small part of it.

Go to sleep, tiny dancer...

I had such a fun week last week, hung out with really awesome people that I'm gonna miss lots :( (come visit!) saw lots of funny movies, played pool, had good food (the molten chocolate thingy at Chili's ROCKS) and lots of other stuff.

Can't wait til I get back to a decent net connection so I can d/l music at a reasonable speed again. Started packing about...30 minutes ago. Yay for moving back to UH. I'm so excited :) About retreat too. Can't wait to see everyone again and meet all the new people and all that. I've decided that college would be great if it weren't for all the damn classes. I might go to Austin over Labor Day to see Alana at UT, since she's come down here like twice now (granted she did live here for like...til she graduated) I dunno, it's all still in the planning stages, we'll see as it gets close I suppose...class might prove more bastardly even than I plan....and I plan on it being pretty bastardly...

Hmm, well I should probably finish packing and loading shit into my car so I can leave ASAP tomorrow...don't want to be here any longer than I have to...no really. I don't. At all. Not even a little.

I went to this really awesome Cajun restaurant with Chris last night before the random concert thing. It was really good, one of those little restaurants not many people know about kind of things...great gumbo (not as good as Shana's mommys gumbo though of course) So then we went to the random concert at this random place and watched people mosh because Chris got to be the "hold-the-money-box" bitch. I thought the band was pretty good, a lot of "screamy" bands (for lack of time to think of a better word) don't do it very well, but they were definitely an exception to that. Still not sure what Roman was saying, but it sounded good :P Saw the first Spiderman finally so now I can go see the 2nd one.

I've also realized that playing pool is really fun. I think it's totally dependent on the people you're with, but then again I guess that goes for everything... and I think it's kind of made me realize that some people just try not to have fun. I'm not sure how to explain it, it's like maybe they think they're "too mature" for fun or something, but whatever. I don't think that's what maturity is. But if it is, I think I'll pass. Fuck that, I can be serious and work-oriented. But that doesn't mean I don't want to have fun when I'm done.

Well, I'm off for another exciting night of "hmm, what should I do tonight...? *ring ring* hey, what's up yeah I'm pretty bored no I dunno what I'm doing tonight oh yeah? sure, sounds cool. *hang up* mom I'm going out, be back later no mom I don't know what we're doing yet...do i ever? ok mom I'll call... *door shuts, car starts*"

Wow, that was spastic :P Somehow it always ends up being fun though :-D yay!

Went to play pool, it was super fun, I should do that more often. :P Got to see a few people that I haven't seen in almost a year and some people I see on a more regular basis, at least for the summer
We were gonna go to Le Behr's but it got too late too quick, so that trip got postponed. Then we were gonna go swimming but by the time everybody got something to swim in and we got to the hotel that we know the guy who works there only like 2 people were left ready to swim... so that fell thru too. So we just ended up pretty much playing pool and then driving around. But it was SOOO fun :)
Oh man, what now? :-/ Yipe....

Adiuva Me

I guess my recent blogs must not be very interesting to anyone...not a single comment since the 29th...and lotsa people are reading...or at least pretending to I guess. Eh, whatever, this place is more for me anyway, you just get to look at it. And comment. Or not :P

Saw Manchurian Candidate tonight. Denzel Washington, once again, amazing. Liev Schreiber, also, amazing. The movie, twisted as hell. Overall, very good.

I think I should take a vacation to Fiji. A really long one. I think the word for that is 'move'.

So after feeling absolutely wonderful after frisbee last night, tonight I think I might dig a really big hole and live there for eternity. Yay for a giant river of emotion toppling over my tettering wall of sanity. Maybe I should just play frisbee everyday or something...at least then I'd have more contact with people than a blinking monitor. Maybe that's my problem...I don't get out enough. But probably not.

Radio - Alkaline Trio another favorite song of the moment, along with
The Freshman - The Verve Pipe

I'm completely down-to-earth! Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.

So you know when you were a little kid and some kid did something mean to you and you told your mom/dad and they went out and "talked" to the kid and everything was "all better"? Yeah, why are problems so much harder to solve now? What did our parents do to fix whatever was wrong and why can't we do the same and fix the problems now? *sigh*

"Domine, Domine, Deus
Domine, Adiuva Me"

So I think I pretty much found people to fix my computer. I'm looking at 2 companies; one I will order the screen and casing from and replace it myself, and the other I will take my computer to and they will put a new screen into the existing casing (ie I couldn't do that myself) So the company I'd order from is cheaper, but in like...Pennsylvania or something. The other company is slightly more expensive, but they'd be doing all the install stuff, with warranty (not that I trust warranties anymore...) and they're close, somewhere downtown. So one way my comp would be out of comission for a bit, the other I'd take to them and have it back a few hours later... we'll see soon I guess.

So recently an old song has come to mind a lot. I'm not sure why, granted it used to be one of my favorite songs, but it just seems kind of odd that it would come up now. As I sit here, it seems that the lyrics are the only thing that run through my head, that they are all I can really fixate my thoughts on, though so many other things run through my thoughts that is the only one that has stayed undaunted through the last few days. I find myself singing it at splashtown, humming it in my room, thinking about it as I lay down to sleep. Funny how these things come up at just a moment when you think they never would.

I was reading Kellie's blog and about how she said that through all the problems she's had, happiness was never one of them. I found that to be amazing. Granted I haven't had a terrible life by any stretch of the imagination, especially compared to the things she's put up with for so long, but it seems like happiness is like the tide; it's something that comes and goes for me. I've not ever really been at a point where I "wasn't sure" if I was happy or not. I guess that might be a bad thing, but I've always either been happy with things or unhappy with them. And now I have to go take a shower so Jason and I can go get his daddy a present. So there goes that train of thought. Derailed for now.