This weekend has been fun :) at least after 3pm Saturday.

So after I got off work I got to go to Katy to go see Jason, which was great, I missed him so much. Much food and fun to be had :) Saw Amityville (is that how you spell it?) Horror, scariness... ::shudder::
1) I would NOT buy a house somebody died in
2) If somehow I did, I would fucking leave after creepy scary thing #1.

Saw Shrek2, it was good, better even than the 1st one I think. All I can say is "We're up the chocolate creek without a popsicle stick, boss" and my cat is SO getting boots.

Also saw The Life of David Gale, which I'd actually never heard of til Jason told me about it. Wasn't released in theatres, but very good movie. Wicked ending.

So Katy Mills mall is apparently the "cool" place to be... I got a hat...AND...it doesn't look retarded on me. At least I don't think so. Hmm not really anything interesting, one of those posts where everyone pretends to read it and then clicks the little X in the corner 1/4 of the way thru. If you made it this far, mad props to you.

So everybody seems to have really serious blogs lately...I really haven't been in the mood to be serious. Fuckin school starts Tuesday and I don't feel like doing anything ever again. I don't think it's even laziness... I think it's just lack of fucking caring. The things I care about, I deal with, I'm around, etc. But I don't want to deal with the things that I don't give a fuck about. It seems the more I feel love, the more capable I am of feeling hate. Which I really don't see as a good thing. I'm not a person who hates naturally. But it seems that the more open I'm becoming to experiencing love, the more hate I feel as well. Not toward the things that bring love, but still...just something I think about I guess.

So you know how "the day doesn't end until you go to bed"? Yeah I should have fuckin gone to sleep at goddamn 7 o'clock when I got home. This definitely hasn't been my day. From the time I woke up until now, right before I go to bed, all shitty. I don't like going to bed when things aren't ok between me and people I'm talking to, but I guess I haven't really got a choice, do I?

Fuck splashtown, fuck money, fuck school and fuck my goddamn computer.

If tomorrow isn't a better day I'm just gonna fucking go to bed. Fuck "trying to make it better". That's all bullshit.

So I got the volunteer thing at the Heart Institute! :-D I'm really excited about it, gotta call this other lady and make an appointment, and then I officially start. Yay! And I start work at Splashtown tomorrow...that will be fun for about 2 or 3 weeks and then I'll want to kill everyone who comes in the park - hey! just like last year! But I already have 1 comp ticket, and should get at least one more for working Monday (i think) so once I get a few, maybe some people wanna come to the park with me? It'd b freeeee :P Mebbe closer to when school starts or somethin, iono, just an idea...

Let's see, what else? I went and saw my sister's band concert and was actually quite surprised; my ears weren't bleeding by the end of it. That was my good deed to her for the rest of the month. That and I put together the damn retarded electric scooter she's getting for her birthday tomorrow... so yeah, I've been a good sister since I got home :P haha right.

I get to see Jason on Saturday, I'm so excited :-D I'm even gonna get off work early so it's not all uber late when I get there. We get to spend part of Saturday and most of Sunday together, so definetly looking forward to that.

I think that's about all, and if it's not that's all I feel like typing right now. :)
yay

Stupid people make me want to kill them. So do bitchy people. And incompetent people who are being paid far too much in their jobs for doing nothing - because they are incompetent. Then there are the competent people being paid 1/2 as much as these incompetent dildos, yet they do 2x+ as much work. Amazing how fucked up that is. Wow.

Hmm...

-Waiting to hear on the Heart Institute thing....should find out Monday or Tuesday ::excited anticipation::

-Renewed my lifeguard training this weekend, it seems uber much easier the second time around (not that it was hard the first time around....)

-Gonna work 10 hour days all this week after I go thru Orientation...that way I can take off a little bit early Saturday and go see my Jason the rest of the weekend :-D Yay for bribing parents by not being home? heh heh seems like a win-win situation to me!

-Got car back from shop finally...it has A/C now! ::dance::

-Got digital camera, now just need something cool to take pics of...

-I'm not sure why this is all "outliney" and bulleted and stuff, but it seemed cool at the time...I think I'm done though. I kinda want some food. Mmmmm food....

Not too much to say, kinda bored. Get to go to Med Ctr Friday to talk to Dr. Rosenstrauch. ::excited:: Hmm, what else...get my car back tomorrow...
ooh! Got hair cut today :) I like it...It's fun. It was really funny getting it cut. I kinda told the lady what I wanted, and then she was like "how about this?" so i was like.."ok" and then she said "this would be cute, what do you think?" and it continued like that for...probably 3 or 4 different things. Heh, its fun though, kinda different than anything else I've had. (heh and writing this keeps Jason wondering what it looks like - Neener neener neener!)

Mmm so I'm bored. If you see me online, IM me and make me unbored :)

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I HATE SCHOOL. I'VE HAD IT. I'M DONE.

Hmm, so a new post...

I think for some reason 5 minutes of boredom is like an eternity of hell to me for some reason. I don't get it. Friday I went and saw Troy, Saturday was Dathan's party, Sunday I spent most of the day with Jason....I wasn't bored during any of that stuff...but I get home and of course there's nothing to do, nobody around...and it seems like being bored for a little while completely detracts from all the fun stuff. Makes me think I'm going to go insane...

So speaking of all the non-boring stuff I've done since being home:

Troy was ok..not exceptional, but not terrible. The fight scene between Achilles and was really cool I thought...

I had fun at Dathan's graduation party; played some pool (yay for incredibly lucky shots!), went swimming, etc etc. (sorry we left early :( )

Spending all day Sunday just with Jason was nice :) Even though it had only been like 2 days since we moved out of the dorms, we missed each other and it was nice to be able to just lie in bed together for a bit (even though his dogs went crazy for like 20 minutes over some other dog that got in the yard). Plus we had lunch with his parents which was fun too cuz they're cool :)

Yeah, so anyway, I got home and then went and saw my grandparents for a bit...that was ok, but then got back home and was incredibly bored. Still, incredibly bored. I kinda feel bad for all you people who read this, it seems like when I'm bored is the second most used reason that I post (#1 is when I'm upset, but not much of that lately :D ) And of course, it's mostly nonsense...what else would you expect from me?

Hmm, so didn't get too much sleep last night, and I'm pretty tired. Think I'll trade the boredom for some unconciousness...yay for sleep =-)

So I was looking at people's profiles, and I came across a few that were; in a few different ways...quite disturbing.

Quote from Jason's profile:

"Dont let anybody make you think, that God chose America as his divine messeanic force to be, a sort of policeman of the whole world, God has a way of standing before the nations with judgement and it seems that I can hear God saying to America your too arrogant, if you dont change your ways I will rise up and break the backbone of your power, and I'll place it in the hands of a nation that doesn't even know my name, bestill and know that I'm God, men will beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks, nations will not rise up against nations, neither shall they study war any more, and I dont know about you I ain't gonna study war no more"

~Martin Luther King Jr.

Adam's Profile:

Think of someone of "average" intelligence. Then think half the world is dumber than that.

~~~~~~~~~~
In light of everything I see, everything I hear, and everything I don't, I think that humanity is definetly, DEFINETLY in for some trouble. Seen the "End of the world" cartoon? Yeah, seems funny, only more true every day. War may be inevitable, but then again, how smart is it to poison the world you live in to rid yourself of something you don't want to deal with? I dunno, I'm not very educated on what's going on outside right now, but it seems the choices being made are downright stupid. No, I don't have alternative solutions, so I guess I'm just as bad as the people making the choices, but it seems so wrong...so wrong.

So it just kind of dawned on me today...that it's been an entire (school) year that I've spent here. It passed so quickly it seems. So many memories, many already forgotten, some that should be, some that will never be. I was also thinking how petty every argument seems after everything that's happened the past few days.

"Every now and then when the world steps in
Stealin' all our time away
It soon takes so much, we forget to touch
That's when I know it's time for me to say...

Take my hand let's walk through love's door
And be free from the world once more
Here's my arms, we can hide today
And love the world away

Once again we'll be where our hearts are free
And the time is ours to share
Love will always stay just a touch away
Come with me all the magic's waiting there

Take my hand let's walk through love's door
And be free from the world once more
Here's my heart, we can hide today
And love the world away"

Yeah, it was random. But it kinda threw itself in.

So I might be getting some "volunteer work" i.e. trade myself for medical branch connections this summer at the Texas Heart Institute. Potentially fuckin' awesome. Even if I'd just be colonizing petri dishes...gotta start somewhere, no? And the Dr. I'd be working under does have like 2 floors of the damn building dedicated to her research. I'd say that makes her pretty fuckin' important. Damn, such awesome potential. *excited* Supposed to meet with her late next week, hope I find out soon after that! :) yaay

*sparkle**sparkle*

So I find it interesting how death randomly decides to present itself. I heard somewhere, or read somewhere or something like that, that suicides always occur in chains - one person does it and then others see this and, sadly enough, it almost becomes like a mini-fad. 3 or 4 people in a row follow in a short period of time. It actually seems like it's true - for most the people I've known who have killed themselves - it's occured in short bursts almost...2 or 3 in a span of a few months then everyone seems okay, then it repeats.

At one point I think I saw why people have the desire to remove themselves from this world...at one point I think I might have agreed with them - that here isn't a place worth living in. And then I changed my mind. It wasn't some "revelation from God" or some near death experience that made me realize how much my life was really worth. It was simply the fact that I was sitting around one day staring at a bottle of pills and wondering just how many I would have to take, when I realized how incredibly fucking retarded I must look. I had no real reason to 'hate everything.' No irreparable damage had been done to or by me. I had no reason to justify my potential action. So I set them down. Literally, I set them down and went to watch TV. The world might not be the best of all possible, it might not be beautiful and wonderful and heart-warming all the time, but the way I see it, you've just got one life...instead of wasting it, why not try to make it the place you want it to be? I think that might be one of the biggest things that has inspired me to be a doctor. I might not be able to change the world as a whole, but I can help other people keep the chance to change it. And that's how I've seen it every day since I set that bottle down: Why give up and leave a bad world bad? Why not stay and try to make it better?
I guess I should remember that those days when I want nothing more than to go to Fiji...guess nobody's perfect, eh?

So....
Finals. Finally over. YAY! No more school until....June 1st. BUT, after that's over (July 7th), then no more school until....July 8th...dammit. BUT then once THAT'S over (August 15th) no more school until...August 23rd. GOD DAMMIT! bah, oh well, I guess that's my choice. It'll be ok, just 1 class at a time, so not too terribly bad :P (insert masochistic comment here) I guess I should just enjoy the break I have while I have it.

Let's see, what else? Unlofted my bed, took home a bunch of my stuff, had my parents bring home a bunch of stuff that wouldn't fit in my car since they were over on Westheimer for some reason today, got all the stuff figured out that my mom has been buggin me about...yeah, I feel like I've actually accomplished stuff today. Unfortunately what I accomplished was that I have to go in person to people to get stuff figured out. That's all I figured out :P hehe BUT, it's all good, cuz...I don't feel inspired to do much of anything else. I need to call my boss at Edenbrook to see if I can still work over the summer, but I kinda don't want to. I'm already working at Splashtown, but that pays a lot less...::shrug:: iono....

Hmm well...that's about it....weeeeeeee

::sigh::

So once again, I have learned {the hard way} that tweaking out about stuff that is no longer in your control is one of the most detrimental things you can do. Not only with regard to everything else I still have to do this week, but also with regard to my health....my sanity....my relationships with other people....everything. Damn, you'd think I'd learn after the first 400 million times I tweak out needlessly that that's what it is: needless. Dammit. Yeah, so things got bad, but they're getting better I guess. Or rather, they're getting not as bad. This was supposed to be a GPA-boosting semester...but unless I pull god-awfully amazing things in cal and human sit it's not looking to be that way. BUT - that's ok, cuz I'm NOT going to tweak out about it. At least not right now. Maybe after Friday. But not now.

Study time...again.

Blah. So now begins the uber 4 days of super studying for the uber finals that - since they are sooo close together - I could never possibly prepare as well as I'd like to for. Man, so Jason is right; the university is run by retarded business people who have no idea how hard other majors are.

So now, I disappear from everywhere and force the lack of attention span to not make me go crazy with studying. So if you think it's been awhile since you've heard from me, check around and/or call me to make sure I'm not crazy or dead. :)

If u saw my profile, you saw this, but I like it so I'll put it here too:

The future is easy, for it never comes...
The present is simple, we live it every day...
The past is hard, for once it is, it is forever...

I also like:

The phrase "why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?" has made me think:"Why do at all what you would rather put off until tomorrow?"

So here's the latest list of things that I hate:

1) Cal 3
2) Chem
3) 4 finals in 3 days
4) Being broke
5) Parents that don't understand
6) Wanting something you can't afford (see 4)
7) The pain in your back that comes from bad posture
8) People who overstay their welcome
9) Distractions when you're trying really hard to get something done (yeah, I know, I'M a distraction to people too...)
10) People who are your friend til you step out of the room


BUT, things I love (appreciated more because of the above list):
1) Friends who will talk to you whenever you need it
2) Friends in general
3) Walking around campus at 1 am
4) Watching the sky (ie, the clouds, the stars, the rain...whatever it's all good to me)
5) Running through the rain
6) Late night food runs
7) Inside jokes that people have long forgotten
8) Soda in glass bottles
9) Getting through 4 finals in 3 days (yet to come...we shall see :P)
10) Everyone who told me 'it's ok' or 'it will be ok'. It really will.


I found the source of my unhappiness these last few months. I think it's been fixed. Other than wanting to set my cal book on fire. (But that's different) And, I think in the past 2 or 3 weeks I've learned to control my tic without the stupid meds. Most of the time at least.

I've decided not to let people piss me off as easily. It's stupid and most of the time it's the goal they're going for anyway. So all you people out there trying to piss me off (are there any ? :P) it just got harder. So HA.

I apologize to everyone who has been forced to slog through reading all of my stupid petty bullshit on this. I'd delete it all, but I think it teaches me a lesson.