So I'm sitting here at Jason's apartment, I've finished the work I need to get done, or at least as much of it as I am going to do, and I'm waiting for him to finish his thermo homework. So I'm thinking, kind of bored, but that's ok, I don't mind. Anyway, thinking. And then it occurs to me that I don't even really know what I'm thinking about. It's like I'm going through the motions of thinking without actually doing it. So of course, as I realize this, I actually begin to think. And I feel so gipped about it. I realized how much I actually do this; just kind of zone out and ignore everything that is going on, and how much I could be missing out on and I don't even know it. So I keep thinking...and what do I realize but that I'm doing it again. It's like my brain says "Fuck you Heather" and shuts off. Now what kind of person am I that I seem to be incapable of even internal thought, even if this is all I am focusing on. So I focus even harder. And then while I'm thinking and it seems to be working and I can actually begin to figure things out, my mind goes blank. I still know what I was thinking about, but it's like I can't figure out what to do with it. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this very well...it's like my mind has set up a "no pass" zone surrounding certain topics, protecting its fragile self from any more harm.
I'm not sure what to do about this. It's like, well, I can't even think of what it's like. That just proves my point even more. *sigh* I feel like I'm trapped in an abyss of, well, of nothing. Perhaps I've let myself go too far astray from "normal mental process"(?) and now there is no way back.

On a happier note I suppose, this upcoming Friday is my birthday. This I am actually looking forward to quite a bit, and Saturday even more. Hopefully nothing will ruin the chances of excitement and happiness there, I'm really looking forward to it.