I don't know what to do. I think I hit that "I don't know what I want to do with my life" stage that most people hit when they're like...12. All my life I've known what I wanted. Literally since I was 3 years old. Now...it has lost the shiny appealing feeling. I was talking to Jason and Hartschuh (or rather they were talking and I was just kind of listening and interjecting a little. But they're right. Doctors have become like fucking lawyers. Begging people to come to them and not 'the next guy.' Sure, maybe when I'm 50 and established I'll make a few bucks. But only after I charge the poor dying 5 year old kid $80,000 for a new kidney...and that's just my fee. Not to mention the $400 a month anti rejection medication he'll have to be on. Doctors here depress me more everyday. But still, even without that I don't know what I want to do. Honestly, I'm getting really tired of going to the med center. It was really interesting, until I pretty much found out that the things I could try to find didn't exist and that I was too stupid (or rather "didn't have the knowledge") to know how to come up with something that would work. Honestly, I'm not even sure what's being done. Everything of importance I find out or try to do I assemble and give to my boss, but really I don't hear much of anything back. I'm not exactly sure what it is that is being done right now, but it seems like a hell-lot-of-nothing.

And classes. I think the goal at this university is to screw people over. To keep them here as long as possible and to make as many schedule conflicts as you can. I have the choice of either taking the "good" professors for my classes and ending up having class 10-12 and 12-6 on Friday, with exams 3x from 7-830... OR taking the profs that people say "NO DON'T TAKE THEM!!!" and having less class everyday...i.e. spread out stuff. Damn, I love college. The screw-you-over-while-I-take-your-money attitude, the living in a cement box, the overpriced and undernourishing food. Yes, I totally understand why people want to stay in college forever. It makes perfect sense. Any more sense and I think I might believe myself.

But I should end on a good note. Things this semester are going decently. Smoothly, even. No mental breakdowns, no C's or C-'s (at least not so far). I should be happy for that which I have, instead of dreading that which is to come. Appreciative of the hours I am able to spend on comprehending what I'm doing instead of the pointless hours spent not understanding like last year. Ecstatic that my relationship...IS now a relationship. And I am all of these things. Honestly, this is the best semester I have had so far. I just wish that I could carry that on. Instead I feel as if next semester might just make me go insane. Yay.

Oh, and what would people think if my hair looked like this? Comments welcome.