So since my last update, Tyler and I went to Dallas for the Calgary v. Dallas game last Sunday. Since we were already going to be there and needed something to do ;) , we went to Medieval Times on Saturday. I'd been once, when I went to Florida, but Tyler had never been. It was a good time, makes me glad my "silverware" consists of more than my hands these days. Then the game was on Sunday. Calgary lost, but it was still a fun "first NHL game" for me. Oh, yeah and go Red Knight! heheh. Overall, I say it was a great trip. Nice and relaxing, just what I needed. Semesters should come with more of those built in ;) Oh, and of course, pictures of Medieval Times and the hockey game are posted on my MSN space. Enjoy!

rainbows and butterflies anyone?

Ever notice how people have far less (or at least far less interesting) things to say when they aren't unhappy? Maybe I'm just not deep enough to have regular, meaninful posts ;)

Found out I have to write a 10+ page paper for my poli sci class today. That sucks.

I don't really have much of anything interesting to say this semester. School is...yeah. But whatever, it's cool. Accounting has some pretty interesting stuff I've learned. My history class is pretty cool, the prof (Robert Buzzanco) is rather liberal and teaches it that way. He wants us to see the other side of the history we've always learned. My poli sci class is ok, exam Thursday, should be pretty easy. I have a paper due sometime in there too. And in psych as well...hmm should probably get started on those sometime. That's what spring break is for. That and not class. I'm starting my break off nicely. Shopping with Holley and Krutina and then Cirque du Soleil. Should be exciting :) I think I'm going to some party thing at an art store on Saturday night with Ali, Jael and Andrea if she's still going. Anu too, perhaps? Not sure. Figured I should find something to do so I'm not bored while Tyler is out drinking and "playing wingman"...I found a piece of art I really like. Unfortunately it's huge and $1500. But I really like it... It's an abstract piece with orange and purple and black and its just...awesome and beautiful. Saw a Picasso too, it was about the size of a half sheet of paper and was almost $3000. Too bad Picasso isn't around to be paid, poor guy. There was also this cool tree made of copper piping that had candle votives wrapped into it that was really awesome. I bet it looked even cooler when candles were lit. The guy who made it will apparently come into your house and create something for a particular space you want it in. Too bad I move a lot, eh? And too bad I'm broke haha.

I think that's about all that is going on. I saw Ultraviolet on Sunday. It was pretty terrible. I want to see The Liberati and V for Vendetta. I hope they are less terrible.

Babbling

You know what sucks? Knowing something you aren't supposed to. You'd think it would be better to know than to stand oblivious. It's not. It's like, well, you know, but you can't tell anyone or say anything because, well, you aren't supposed to know. Now I see why people are so much happier when they don't know what's going on. Maybe that's why curiousity killed the cat.

Cirque du Soleil is next Friday. I'm pretty excited. Good way to start off spring break. I kind of want to take a trip somewhere (within driving distance) over the break, any suggestions?

I know it's been forever since I said I would post this, but I finally got all the pics from the ski trip. So...I put them on my MSN space for all to see :) Here is the link. (http://spaces.msn.com/lilbluegal/photos/?_c02_owner=1 for those who can't click it for some reason.) I think there are some good ones. It was SO pretty there. Enjoy!

Also, I posted some pics from before the ski trip (all the stuff that happened through January) so those are finally up too! :)

So I have not really had much to say lately. Business is a lot easier than engineering. There is no homework, other than stupid WebCT, and I have never bought so many scantrons before. Because of this, I have nothing interesting to say about what is going on. No "I was sitting in class and suddenly it all made sense" stories. Because there's nothing TO make sense. If you can not get that two sides of a balance sheet have to balance, then...well then WTF. I miss engineering. With the....you know....challenges. Maybe it is not even that. I miss the people. There were no looks from them like I did not belong. Maybe I am not cut out for this. Perhaps I would be put to better use at McDonalds. sigh. I think it is the thought of my alternative - working somewhere like McDonalds for the rest of my life - that keeps me just okay enough to make it one more day. I was talking a few days ago about people who have just enough common sense to make it through the day. They lay down to go to bed and are like "oh yeah, I need to close my eyes to sleep." And they do so and that is IT. No more common sense for the day. It is all used up. I think I am like that with sanity. And sometimes tolerance. I have just enough to make it through the day, but if the day runs long or something...I am screwed. Perhaps today ran long...

Ahhh, yay for well needed vacation. Skiing was SO fun! Yay for good birthday presents. Hehe, and falling in the snow. And getting better and not falling in the snow as much. And lots of powder, which by the way, is much harder ito ski in. All in all, I say the trip was a success. A super fun success. Pictures will be on my MSN space soon. At which point I will also provide a link to said space. :)

Thursday seems like it's going to take forever to get here. It's Monday. That's all. And it's been Monday for 14 hours. I've sat and stared and read through just about all of them. Leaves me wondering why sleep just doesn't seem to come some nights. I have to work until 10 tonight. I guess that will at least be something to pass the time for me. Perhaps. I can't decide if I like my job or not. Whenever I decide I don't, I find myself danciing through the aisles and singing. Whenever I decide that means I do, the day sucks and moves more slowly than ever. I guess it just depends on who else is working that can entertain me. I should get an job with an accountant. Experience would pretty likely prove to be beneficial to me. Hmm, almost a real job. Imagine that. Almost. Heh, hopefully it will be better than my last attempt to have a "real" job that will get me some experience in my field. Because that was utter failure. And a waste of my time.

Anyway, time needs to pass more quickly. I sat in my history class for what seemed like absolutely forever, listening to my professor drone on and on in his story about poor farmers in the 1890's. Then I looked at the time and realized I'd only been sitting there for 20 minutes. Gives a whole new meaning to "every minute is like an hour". Christ. I didn't think it would ever end. Even music won't pass the time like normal. I'm almost out of books, I didn't bring one with me today so that doesn't help either. I'm down to the last one, the one that I was planning on reading on the flight and such. Oh well. Perhaps I'll take another trip to the bookstore. Find something interesting, something that catches my eye. Heh, I'm a terrible shopper. Totally irrational. I figure why look for a book (or anything for that matter). Let it look for you. If it doesn't jump out at me, then why bother, eh? Guess we'll see. Got an idea for a new author to try anyway, so perhaps that'll prove itself. Paul Bowles. Leave a comment if you've read him and let me know what you think. I'll be reading him, so I'll probably leave a post about it later.

Not much has happened since my last post. At least not much interesting. I've come to a conclusion, more of a realization perhaps. But I find myself somewhat unwilling to go into detail. Or maybe apprehensive I guess. School started. My classes are by far the most boring ever. I miss engineering. At least then there was a challenge. Maybe it was so great because it was too much of a challenge for me. No sense dwelling in the past when you can't change it I suppose. But I do miss it. The challenge. The excitement of finally getting something right. The friends that were always around...everything I suppose.

I started a new book. Angels & Demons. It's the prequel to The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown. I plan to read that one next. Angels & Demons has been good so far, I've enjoyed it. Enough to read nearly 400 pages over the last day and a half. While Catholicism doesn't interest me in an "I want to be Catholic" sort of way, the history of all the terrible things that have been done "in the name of God" is captivating. But I suppose that is the way it is in all religions. There may not be "Holy Crusades" in the present, but when it really comes down to it the battles between religion and religion and religion and science IS quite prominent. I also find it interesting how, when it comes down to it, all tmehe major religions really do tell quite nearly the same story. Sure, there are obvious deviations, but who knows what may have been lost in perception and translation. There are obvious deviations even within modern history books about the Civil War...look at one from New York and one from Texas. You'd barely think they were talking about the same thing. And that wasn't even 200 years ago. This was 2,000 years ago. Anyone who can say that there is no possibility for variation of the same story is ridiculous. Ridiculous. And that's all I have to say about that.

I also bought several more books in addition to Dan Browns. One is My Friend Leonard, the next book written by James Frey, author of A Million Little Pieces. Yeah, I've read the CNN news reports on how "the book is a lie" and "how he fooled Oprah" and this and that. Don't particularly care. I thought the book was good. It had to have some truth to it. So the guy exaggerated some charges and such. Who sells an autobiography that doesn't exaggerate something about themselves? Sure, maybe it's something good most of the time. But still...I dunno, I guess I kind of expected some exaggeration. I mean he was on drugs, blacking out and such. Perhaps I'm wrong, but don't you NOT remember the things that happen when you blackout? The book would have been pretty damn short had he said "well, I don't remember this entire period of my life, so even though it's important and kind of vital to my explanation, I won't include it." Yeah. Maybe I just read too much fiction and come to expect the same from nonfiction. Whatever. I liked the book. Once I finish with Dan Brown's work, My Friend Leonard is next on the list. The other book I bought was just kind of an impulse, this looks interesting kind of thing. I really don't know what to expect from it, but the subject is one that has the potential to be highly interesting to me. It's called Blood: An Epic History of Medicine and Commerce. The New York Times called it "Riveting." I think "riveting" is the dumbest critic word ever. I mean, really. Riveting? WTF. Just say "captivating" or something. Riveting is something you do to a building. With rivets. Anyway, I think that will probably end up being airplane entertainment or the like, since because I have way too much free time and nothing to do with it I will probably have zipped through the other 3 by Feb 2.

Oh man. Feb 2. It's so soon! :) I'm more excited every day. I've been skiing before, twice even, and snowboarding once (kinda :-P...we'll call it "snowfalling" for the most part) but not in Colorado yet, and most definitely not recently. I love being in the snow. Yeah, yeah I realize that it must suck to deal with it for a whole season, and that the day after it falls and is all pretty it gets all gross due to cars and such, but still...when it's falling or freshly fallen it's so beautiful.

My new addition!

PA-THETIC

That is all.

New Years party was last night...it was fun :) I took lots of pictures, and posted them on my MSN site (because putting 50somethin pics in blogger was not my idea of a fun time) so I just made an album there. You can click here to see them. Definitely quite the entertaining night. For those of you who didn't come...you missed out! Tyler gets back from Canada/Vegas soon too, and I'm excited :-) I went and watched Anu's dance performance today also, it was really interesting. I'd never been to a Hindu temple, it was very pretty, as were the clothes. Pics of that are also on my MSN site :)

That's all for now. I guess it's post party apartment clean up time... :'( sadness.

So I guess I was a bit unhappy in my last post. Once again, I have learned that stupid girl things are just that...stupid. Though I might find it hard to believe that someone might actually care or something like that...I guess I shouldn't let my insecurities take over. Heh, easy to say, not so easy to do. But I've been trying. Really hard. Guess sometimes I just slip up. Anyway...

Had my New Years party tonite. Only 1 of my friends showed. The rest were Andrea's. Thank goodness she actually invited people this time, eh? What's up with the ditching me, people? :( But it's ok, more booze for us... I have lotsa pics that I will post when I'm a little more sober...dice games aren't always the friendliest ;-) I guess unless you're the guys in the midst of a bunch of girls haha...

That's all for now...like I said...I'll post the pics (or some of them at least...) soon.

Grr, I did a stupid girl thing. I hate when I do stupid girl things. Like when you say something, and you kinda expect an answer, and then you don't get the answer you expect and then you get upset because you didn't get the answer you expected and you shouldn't be, because people can give whatever answer they want, but you are, because you think you should have gotten a different , "better" answer. So then it ruins your day. It really is just like setting yourself up for failure. Because really, you won't get the better answer. I should know that by now.

So Christmas went by. I kind of didn't really notice, other than the addition of my super awesome digital camera to the "things I will eventually accidentally break" list. Andrea and I have just been kinda chillin' at the apartment, when we don't have to work that is...
Katie came and stayed the 27-28. That was cool, I miss that kid ;) We went to a hookah bar, and I would have taken pictures, but I left the battery to my said super awesome camera on the freakin' charger. So no pics from that. All I have is the pic from when we went to Bennigans. And the table of guys slightly across the room kept staring at us. Heh, we got a laugh out of that.




Katie. Yeah, she gets more phone calls than anyone I know. Freakin' crazy.






Yeah, so that's about all that has happened lately. A few small get togethers that I wouldn't consider "parties", a few drunken nights, and not much else to tell. Oh, and I got a new job.

Merry Christmas!

To everyone :-) None of this PC "Happy Holiday" stuff. Merry fuckin' Christmas. And Happy New Year to those of you I don't talk to before then. Heh, last year it almost was "snowing" on Christmas Eve, this year it's gonna be 70 degrees tomorrow. Crazy, eh? I thought so.

Andrea and I have a bet placed for events leading up to Monday. Sadly, we both think the same thing will occur (or won't occur rather), so I guess it isn't really a bet. But we'll both be absolutely dumbfounded if we're wrong.

My parents got me a box of thongs for Christmas. I find that a little weird. *shrug* hehe oh well, they're cute. Comment and tell me what you guys got, especially if it's kinda weird. :-D

Ahh, and I also now have the prettiest ears around ;-) Nothing like well selected shiny sparkly things to make a girl smile.

I started a new book today- A Million Little Pieces - and I've found I can't put it down. Conrad was reading it when he came down to see Tyler, and he said it was good. Then Andrea and I saw it at the store and she said she heard it was good...so we bought it. And it's good. It makes me realize just how much I don't understand. How much I probably never will. I don't see how someone can lose themselves so deeply. Swirling downward in a haze of drugs and booze. How anyone could think that waking up every morning to a toilet full of vomit is better than...well...not. I suppose once the downward spiral begins the momentum keeps one going, but I guess that isn't something I'm capable of understanding. Or that I really want to understand perhaps. I was going to write a bunch more, but I don't feel like it anymore. Read the book if you get the chance, that's my opinion.

I need a real pet...

then there would be someone there all the time when I was sad. Gotta love the unconditional love that comes with the trust of an animal. Not to mention a cat you can train like a dog would be the coolest. And it would put an end to those cold lonely nights...My cat would totally be potty trained too. I'd even consider getting the little button they can jump down on to flush. Man, I need a hobby...

Even Fiji can't fix me now...

I hurt. Body, mind and soul. I guess that's what failing miserably at the one thing you've spent the last 2.5 years on does to you. I'm not a nerd anymore...I'm too dumb to be called that now. For all the times I've talked about how much I hate the engineering program, how terrible it is...at least I was getting to do what I wanted to do. Perhaps I took that for granted. Now I can't even do that. Now I have to search and find something that is what I least-don't-want-to-do instead of being in what I do want to do. Now I have to settle for misery ending in misery instead of choosing misery with excitement at the end. Now I have that feeling that I know I'll look back in years and sadly say "What if I were just a little smarter? Where would I be now?" instead of being there. Sure, you can say I'm looking at it the wrong way, that I could be happy in some other major. You can say it all you want. The point is, I found where I wanted to be, and now I can't be there. And that is the biggest failure to me. And it's my failure. And that means I've failed. That I'm not as good as I wanted to be, that I didn't meet my goals...that I'm the loser who had to give up. I don't like being that person. And when I do have to find my new major, every class I take will remind me of my failures. Every single one. When I'm taking "Intro to Bullshit 101", I'll be sitting in class thinking about how I should be in transport or bioanalytics or thermo. How I should be integrating and deriving, not memorizing and regurgitating. How I should be making a difference, not adding to the bueracracy that I've tried to circumvent. Perhaps that is a naive thought, to think I could singlehandedly make a difference, but at least I could do something to help people through instead of standing in their way. I should be in a labcoat...not a business suit. Creating solutions, not problems. That's where I belong. I just don't fit into the business world. But I guess that doesn't matter to the people who key the D's and the F's into the system. They're just there to push the buttons...I'm nothing but a SSN to them. Who would've thought this would happen to me...guess I always thought it would just be someone else I'd be feeling bad for.

I feel weird. Like something is out of place. Or like I should be somewhere or doing something or permanently like I'm forgetting something. I think it's because I've been so so so busy lately, especially with the projects, that now that they're done and all I have left is actual studying (hah, I say that like it's trivial...I WISH) a large part of what I've been spending all my time on is gone. But even before that, something just feels...odd. I wish I knew what it was. Perhaps the impending holidays and my lack of plans. And sadly, my lack of wanting plans really. I think I'd be happy just sleeping through them. Driving to look at the Christmas lights and then just not dealing with it. I wish I could go somewhere where it wasn't bitterly cold, but just cold enough for snow. And not even a lot of snow, I'd be happy with like 2 inches. Just somewhere that it was pretty, where I could wake up Christmas Day and really say I had a white Christmas. I'm tired of here. I'm tired of now, too. I want elsewhere...and later...I guess the grass is always greener...I should take a vacation. If only I had somewhere to go, right?

Leavin' on a jet plane

Arrgggghhhhh. People make me angry. I shouldn't have to choose. I don't make them choose. Maybe that's why I always leave. To make it easier for them. 'Cuz it sure as hell isn't fantastically great for me all the time. Stupid choosing. But I guess it's my fault. Like everything. Like always.

It always comes down to this: it'd be so much better if I were in Fiji. It's all about the hammocks, the coconut shell cups with the little flowers and the boat-mail. Ahh, yes. Boat-mail. One day that's what I'll have to look forward to. For at least a week, dammit.