So I find it interesting how death randomly decides to present itself. I heard somewhere, or read somewhere or something like that, that suicides always occur in chains - one person does it and then others see this and, sadly enough, it almost becomes like a mini-fad. 3 or 4 people in a row follow in a short period of time. It actually seems like it's true - for most the people I've known who have killed themselves - it's occured in short bursts almost...2 or 3 in a span of a few months then everyone seems okay, then it repeats.

At one point I think I saw why people have the desire to remove themselves from this world...at one point I think I might have agreed with them - that here isn't a place worth living in. And then I changed my mind. It wasn't some "revelation from God" or some near death experience that made me realize how much my life was really worth. It was simply the fact that I was sitting around one day staring at a bottle of pills and wondering just how many I would have to take, when I realized how incredibly fucking retarded I must look. I had no real reason to 'hate everything.' No irreparable damage had been done to or by me. I had no reason to justify my potential action. So I set them down. Literally, I set them down and went to watch TV. The world might not be the best of all possible, it might not be beautiful and wonderful and heart-warming all the time, but the way I see it, you've just got one life...instead of wasting it, why not try to make it the place you want it to be? I think that might be one of the biggest things that has inspired me to be a doctor. I might not be able to change the world as a whole, but I can help other people keep the chance to change it. And that's how I've seen it every day since I set that bottle down: Why give up and leave a bad world bad? Why not stay and try to make it better?
I guess I should remember that those days when I want nothing more than to go to Fiji...guess nobody's perfect, eh?