Heh, so I think it's interesting. Just something else I've noticed (and that has been mentioned to me by others)

Everybody knows that most people read everybodys blog, and there's always uber comments when something is funny, or random, stuff like that. But when someone says something serious, or says "please comment" "comments welcome" etc, nobody says anything. Interesting....*shrug*

Got lots more music in the past coupla days. Yay for music! :-D

Hmm, guess that's all. Fun stuff to happen maybe. *big smile*

So I find it quite interesting how something gets posted and people automatically seem to assume it's about them. I find it especially interesting that this only happens when something negative is posted, never when it is something good do people respond to it with "was that about me" and such. Hmm, perhaps there is a reason for this, but I'm going to be late for class so I'll edit this and finish it later.

Ok, now to finish the post...and only like 6 hours after I started. Like I was saying, sometimes things just aren't about you. They just aren't, and that's that. And sometimes, people need to realize this. AND, sometimes people really need to grow up. Like, "we aren't in high school anymore, so stop acting like a highschool freshmen" grow up. No, this isn't really directed at anyone in particular, before everyone starts asking. It's just a general thing I've noticed. And also, no, I'm not putting myself above all of this. I admit I need to grow up about stuff too. (I'm working on it) So yeah, definetly sick of stupid pettiness. Because all it's there to do is piss people off and apparently some people really thrive off of shit like that.

So on a happier note, I got 1 cal problem done off my review. AND, it only took me about an hour and a half :-/ But that's ok I have until Monday to learn it all and take my test. And my ECE is pretty much done except for that stupid comment that no one understands. So yeah, going pretty well :-D Much happiness from Heather, other than the annoyances stated in these last 2 posts. But whatever, school is about to be out and then I don't have to deal with anyone I don't want to deal with for a whole 2 months. ::shrug:: sometimes distance is the best cure.

Man, so people shouldn't use other people to get their revenge. It's just sad. Especially when feelings are at stake. ESPECIALLY on purpose. Man, such a terrible, terrible thing. Makes me feel bad. (Like I said in earlier posts, I don't like to see people get hurt. I also don't like to see them get used. Especially if they don't know it's happening.)

Find alternate methods to get your stupid, petty revenge. Stop dramafying innocent parties. Jeez.

Ooh, on a better note, I finished almost all of my ECE project in less than 6 hours! And it's not even due until Monday! Just 1 thing left and it's just cuz there was a typo (I think...I mean I hope) Maybe there is a hope for sleep in the next week. *dances*

Yay for no more human sit papers. A few more days and no more human sit ever. EVER. About fuckin time. This philosophy crap makes my head want to explode. "Believe what I say or you're wrong" bah! everybody says that.....how's that philosophy? Sounds like a damn opinion to me. An opinion that people spent way too long staring at "trying to figure out."

I guess that's why I'm not a liberal arts or social science major. Or philosophy. Or anything like that. hahaha.

Yay for sleep.

Craziness. It's all craziness. Conversations that I never thought would be possible again, glances I haven't seen in months, smiles that haven't been there in ages. I guess it's true you can't miss something that's always there.

"I wish that I could fly
Into the sky
So very high
Just like a dragonfly

I'd fly above the trees
Over the seas in all degrees
To anywhere I please"

I feel like I can....but I think I'll stay right here for now.

Sorry to all the people outside the spectrum that seem to be affected by my decisions. But they're mine, be they right or wrong. And much much more sorry to all of the people inside the spectrum who are affected by them. That I suppose I could have kept from happening.

"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in
And if you do not want to see me again I would understand"

Maybe I'm the one who needs to step back...chill out...not kill myself over stuff...take other people's advice when it's obviously more beneficial than my own...all that stuff. But I know one thing I won't take other people's advice on. Ever.

Feeling a little better today. Unfortunately, registered for summer classes. That's always nice and depressing. "yay i get to spend my whole summer doing what i didn't want to do during the fall or spring semester!" heh, oh well, my fault I guess. Also talked my ECE prof into dropping 2 quiz grades instead of just 1. Or rather taking my quiz average as a grade. Which is good, cuz the higher I can get, the better (obviously) :P

Need to do work so bad, but stupid MATLAB and the stupid random functions that don't really do anything but do something that I'll never need except for on this stupid homework. Bah!

I really need to clean my room. A lot.

So I went home today to pick up some stuff to register, and the baby ducks aren't toooo ugly anymore. They're gonna be bigger than Wiggles I think. (The original duckie) And my cat kills baby rabbits :( Man, I sound like I live in the middle of fuckin nowhere :P hehe in 'da country. Not really. Try like 30 minutes north of campus. In a neighborhood. Even though the guy down the road has a sign that says "goats for sale" Man, craziness. I want a goat. But my mom said no. I think it's because I already have three ducks, a cat, numerous squirrels, birds and rabbits, and a sister, so they don't want anymore pets. hehehe

Heather=bad person. It seems all I can do no matter what I do is hurt people. Even when "its ok" I know it's not. Because it's not right, and somehow I continually put myself into situations where my only options are "hurt this person" or "hurt that one" and when it's all over even if I'm happy I still feel awful. Who am I to say who should be the one hurt and who shouldn't??? I shouldn't. It makes me feel like I should be the one feeling bad and I should be the one who ends up with nothing.

Stupid Heather, stupid bad choices, stupid existence. Why does happiness always seem to be tinged with such unhappiness? Or is that just me, at my most masochistic? ::sigh:: I want me to be happy, but I want everybody else to also. And it seems all I can do is make the "everbody else" quite the opposite of happy - whether it be temporary or not...it's still there, still because of me and stupidness. Much stupidness.

I guess I should stop not writing in sentences and think until I can make sense.

end

Stupid chem test....blah

Yay for KillBill2 for the second time! Catching new funny stuff and screwups (though I'm not sure if they were intentional or not) Yay for Halo even though I shoulda been writing my paper! Yay for not writing my paper! Yay for The Usual Suspects...with the super suprise ending! Too bad you didn't see like 80% of the movie Aaron. Maybe next time we'll watch a movie before 3:30 am...hehehe

Hmm what else...Busy busy times coming up, wait, coming up? I mean already here...7 papers/exams/projects/finals between this Monday and May 7. Super suckiness. But that's ok, somehow I always find some random means (usually no sleep for a few days, but whatever, that's uh...random) by which I pull through. Yay for randomnity! (Yes Kellie, I did just make up a word and use it in a sentence as though it were real) :-D

Blah de dah. Yay for good moods. I put in my application to work at Splashtown again yesterday, even though I swore I wouldn't work there again. ::shrug:: meh, it was fun most of the time. And what beats super awful tan lines!?! Plus my other job is about 30 minutes away and gas is going up really high and so I'll prally just work there 1 or 2 days a week and Splashtown 2 or 3 days a week. Or less....whatever. Stupid summer school. Bah to you! So now it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm not tired...so I'm gonna go to bed. Yes, I'm doing it because it makes sense. You know it does. Hmm, funny website of the day hopefully the funny stuff I see now is the funny stuff you see when you read this. Cuz it changes a lot and stuff.....yeah, whatev. Oh, and yay for leaving off syllables in words. Like I did. woohoo.

Sleepie time! (That's not like peanut butter jelly time)

I fear the C.E.J.

So I have a chem test in...15 hours. And counting. Boo.

So much work to do and so little desire to do anything but chill. Man, I want this semester to be over so bad. *sigh* And I just realized it's gonna take me fuckin forever to move all my shit back home. And iono where I'm gonna put it all. Grr. I need less stuff.
I'm happy til I'm alone...
So Blast! is still fuckin awesome. I still need to find the show though :( I wanna do guard again so much. Definetly not for UH, but I want to do it again. I miss it lots. :'( Maybe I'll play with my rifle over summer v. and get myself back to decentness and try out somewhere. That would be bitchin'. And it would make me happy.

Yay for the celebration of "the passing of Wednesday to Thursday"!

Found some more cool music. Actually, people either sent it to me or I listened to it tonight, but whatever, that's finding too...

So I'm looking for Blast! to download, cuz it's the coolest thing ever. But I can't find it all :( so if anyone finds it randomly (which seems rather unlikely but...ya know...) it would be really cool if you'd let me know. Cuz Blast! is awesome. And I miss guard a lot :(

Yay for Blast! and having to be God reincarnated to be able to get in....if there's even an opening....cuz if not they wouldn't even let God in. But they're still super awesome.

Oh, and I kinda gave up on the Flooble thing, at least for now, cuz it keeps erasing all the stuff in my blog. So I'll try when I'm not so busy. Til then, guess ya gotta stick to the comment thingies. Sorry.

Hmm, so what to say?

The next....well...until school is out is gonna be hell. Project after test after paper after test after....DEATH! Yeah, so I thought I had nice, spread out finals...turns out that they're all 1 day apart. BAM, BAM, BAM. Just like that. 5,6,7. And the human sit shit in there somewhere too. Bah, stupid departmental exam crap. Oh well, I'll be done before all of you guys!!! And I guess once I'm done, I get to laugh at all of you who aren't. Not really, but ya know, gotta find a reason to pull through somewhere, right? :-D

Yep. What else? Hmm....not much really, I think I did play a bit much Halo, cuz when I close my eyes I see the little 'jewguns' and the health meter and some random Halo background shit....haha awesome. Whoever said video games rot your brain was soooo wrong. They don't rot it, they just reprogram it! :) And, according to Miranda's blog video games actually help surgeons. So HAH! Take that Mum and Dad! Go buy me an Xbox so I can be a good doctor! ::score for Heather::

Oh, and check out Brittnee's blog, cuz ninjas rock!

Happy birthday Jason :) I hope you feel better than you did earlier today.

BLAH

That right now, is the most versatile word ever. It describes...well me presently. How I feel, what I feel, what I see, everything. I was talknig to a few people about circumstances under which I would transfer to another school, and it seems the more I talk and think about it, the more it seems I could do it. Depending on how much of my crap transferred, that is. I dunno, maybe like Kellie and Jared said (in Jason's blog) summer is going to be a good time to be...away. Maybe the working and the school and everything will keep me occupied enough that I won't have time to be sad or angry or any of those other negative piano-wire-requiring feelings I seem to be feeling as of late. Maybe I can get back in touch with some old friends, in addition to staying in touch with the new ones. Scenery change I suppose or something like that. A little Fiji in my backyard with my cat and my ducks while I chill in the middle of my pond in my canoe and watch the clouds and/or the stars. I haven't done that in awhile. Maybe some catching up with the family that seems to be missing me too, even if they are unbearable at times.

Maybe my priorities are just out of line. I hate being alone but I think sometimes some of the friendships I look to are the wrong ones. But there are a lot that aren't, and I think I need to appreciate and help those grow more.

I'm really tired of drama. I'm tired of seeing it, I'm tired of being involved in it, I'm tired of causing it. I think perhaps I shouldn't speak for awhile. I should just walk around and watch, silent and unfeeling. That way, there's no way I could cause or have to deal with any more drama. I thought by leaving high school the stupid high school drama would go away. Well, I guess technically it has....it's been replaced by stupid college drama - which seems much worse. I think people need to 1) stop being manipulative, 2) stop being stupid and 3) find better things to do than intentionally cause problems - there are plenty of fucking games out there - go find one.
Wow, actually I think 1, 2, and 3 are pretty much all the same thing. Awesome, go me, way to say the same thing 50 billion (or 3) times.

Oh, and Operation "Turn Over a New Leaf" has begun. Results so far: getting 'interrogated' (or dare I say bitched out, it seems a bit harsh to put it that way) by Jason, who convinced me to try it in the first place. Not results expected, but I guess obviously those will take more than a few days... but that's ok, no hard feelings, at least not on my part.

Oh, and KillBill2 was good. No, that's not true. It was bitchin. Fuckin awesome.

So being sick and having tests sucks. But whatever, I'm not bitchin. Man, I kinda want to get an Xbox, but then I wouldn't get any work done :P I wonder how many ppl I know are gonna start failing classes when Halo2 comes out...

I like Sprite. Mmmm.

So not really much to say. I'm gonna try to "turn over a new leaf," mostly because of my talk with Jason, but it takes 2 to tango, so hopefully...

So tired, but must sleep at night not day. ::stay awake::

Complements of Ian (he hooked me up with the cool song while we were Haloing)

''Well I know, I miss more than hit
With a face that was launched to sink
An' I seldom feel, the bright relief
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

If there's one thing I have said
Is that the dreams I once had, now lay in bed
As the four winds blow, my wits through the door
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

Fallin' down to you sweet ground
Where the flowers they bloom
It's there I'll be found
Hurry back to me, my wild calling
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

Though these wounds have seen no wars
Except for the scars I have ignored
And this endless crutch, well it's never enough
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

Hell says hello, well it's time to I should go
To pastures green, that I've yet to see
Hurry back to me, my wild calling
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday''

-~-Flogging Molly-~-

So yesterday (well the day before now) was actually pretty nice. Blissful even perhaps. And then I guess something just happened. Today (now yesterday i spose) sucked. Sara's thing was fun, but otherwise.....shitty. And just now....definetly shitty. I feel misjudged, misunderstood. See, this is what happens when it doesn't rain.

''Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here
Everything's feeling unclear
I wish it was raining
Cause I hate every beautiful day''....again

Even Foamy isn't cheering me up. Maybe that plane ticket to Fiji is still cheap.
Fuckin hell. Goddamn motherfucking hell.

Oh, and I want wings too Blake.

****POST EDIT****(cuz i can't spell people's names right)

Sorry I spelled your name wrong the 1st time Brittnee and the second.....it's fixed, right? :-D

So MATLAB....SUCKS. A lot.

No time. Must write stupid MATLAB script. Death to it all.

end

Haha, that makes my day. Thank you for trying to condescendingly look down upon me, it can only make me feel better. And I thought my Easter was eventful enough as it was. Oh man! YES! AWESOME! Hmm, so candy + soda + other sugary stuff = wired Heather. Man, I need to sleep. Hehehe. So worth it though.

Ba-dee-dum-dee da! <-- coolest h-y-p-h-e-n-a-t-e-d word ever. Well, almost ever, maybe.

So I was gonna post Incubus lyrics here, but it seems Jason has already posted them, and I dun want to copy, so here's my back up lyrics. (Yes, I have BACK-UP lyrics! Just for times like these. See, EVERYONE NEEDS BACKUP LYRICS SOMETIME!)

"Don't let it get you down
The moon and the stars goes crashing round
Don't let it get you down"
-~-Echo & The Bunnymen-~-

Taken well out of context, but it fits my purpose here.

Oh, and Chris K has a new blogger site (see right-side panel) or click here.

Rainy days make me happy. I could sit and watch the rain cry down the windowpanes for hours. The amazing power of lightning, the ground shaking rumble of thunder, all somehow bring joy to my day. I guess it's one of the few god related things I hold on to and seem to believe in.

"There's holes in the floor of heaven,
And her tears are pouring down.
That's how you know she's watching,
Wishing she could be here now.
Sometimes if you're lonely,
Just remember she can see.
There's holes in the floor of heaven and she's
Watching over you and me."

I used to go with my grandparents a lot to their near-the-lake-house. Small town, so no big city lights to block out the stars. Pretty much the only thing I remember doing there at night was laying on the ground counting the stars. There were so many then...it seems like they've all faded away. Maybe that's just because I haven't seen all of them in all their glory in over 3 years.

I think I was talking to Amanda a few days ago about the rain, and how it didn't even matter if it was cold rain, that it was still good to be in. And to dance in. I want to dance in the rain again.

It seems at the peak of my understanding, I realize I understand less than I did when I knew nothing. I guess ignorance is bliss, and people (or at least me) are constantly moving through different levels of ignorance - realizing one and moving into another.

It's raining again...

Haha I found the benefit to having a bazillion-and-one screenames that most people don't know...It's really funny when someone blocks you on AIM. I'm not going to talk to someone who would block me anyway, so what's the point? I can still see, um, everyone on at least 2 of my accts, so if I REALLLLLLY needed to talk to anyone I'd just log there. Duh.

I started adding people's blogs/LJs to the side bar. Don't be mad if urs isn't there yet. I'm tired of typing :P I'll finish soon, promise.

So ever get the feeling that when people say "I'm sorry" it doesn't really mean anything anymore? "I'm sorry" is a phrase thrown around so much these days that it seems like it's meaning has been lost. Kind of like "I love you". I know when I say those two phrases, that at least 95% of the time I mean them. I don't tell people I love them if I don't. And I don't apologize (yeah, there's a few exceptions there) unless I mean it.

Kinda makes me wish I could be like all these fake ass people I see sometimes. You know, the ones who apologize and are "your friend" only to talk shit about you 30 seconds later? The ones who "love you" til you fuck them and then they walk away? People like that either are fuckin smart as hell and don't give a damn or live a really big lie it seems. Man, to live in a world where you're always right, you're perfect, and anyone who crosses this judgment is a terrible person. Wow. I guess thats one of those all-or-nothing worlds.

Anyway, so boredom sucks. I've found so many random websites in the last 6 or 7 hours it's not even funny anymore. Man, there is some creepy shit on the internet. And spades. Spades is fun.

Ok, time for sleep methinks. Or rather, mehopes.