So the fact that I am actively avoiding studying cal for my test Monday, coupled with the ever increasing pit in the bottom of my stomach are my purposes for this blog. I have been so hopeful in the last few weeks...yet so so unhappy. It seems everytime I think things might be taking a turn for the better, something happens...maybe everyone is right...maybe I should give up...but I really don't want to. Stupid inner turmoil. Stupid stupid stupid. Somehow I don't ever make things better either. It seems that everytime I try to reconcile I just fuck up more...or at least don't make anything any better.

On a good note, I decorated my house for Christmas today...it was nice, even though I won't be there most of the time to see it... Sadly it was one of those all day things that ended with us not finishing...apparently my mom wants 'us' aka 'me' to decorate outside tomorrow...*sigh* I guess I'm the only one with the decorative touch...haha yeah right, I'm just the only one who will do it...

Once again hopeful...thinking and thinking with everything to do...

Keepin' it short so it's not annoying to read...