So i tried putting comments on my blog, cuz it's kinda boring without them (even though most people wouldn't find this so much the comment-worthy) but somehow it didn't work...so if anyone knows how to make stupid Haloscan work....yeah lemme know...cuz internet > heather :O( So ice skating with Kellie = uber fun, except that i want to drive the blade of my skate into stupid teenyboppers heads because they FAIL AT LIFE! It's not so hard to see that when you go ICE SKATING it's going to be COLD and you should dress NOT LIKE A SKANK WHORE so that I dont have to hear you bitch about how COLD the ICE is. I mean come on, even I know that...stupid stupid people...we need to round them up and send them to Cuba...or anywhere that I'm not. No, actually I'm just kidding, we need a few stupid people around for amusement value....and to provide cheap labor. So driving around and getting lost because you have nothing better to do at 1 in the morning is the best thing ever...if gas weren't all expensive-like and I had (at least) one person with me, I'd do it every chance I got because it made me feel a little better. That and listening to my new 'favorite' song...this guy is really funny, and actually i just like the song because it's true and I've said this all along, and now finally someone else has too....but anyway Ben Folds "Rockin the Suburbs"...yeah it rocks MY suburbs :P but the lines I like and that make me happy are:

i pull up to the stoplight
i can feel that something's not right
i can feel that someone's blasting me
with hate and bass
sending dirty vibes my way
cause my great great great great grandad
made someone's great great great great grandaddy slaves
it wasn't my idea
it wasn't my idea
it never was my idea
i just drove to the store
for some preparation h

Because it's so fucking true...and I think I might start saying that to people, except that I don't wanna get shot....

So, I've decided that there are some things that although they directly affect me are totally out of my control and although they have been the reason of much unhappiness, and will probably continue to be, I need to realize that it's not ALL my fault...though I know some is...and I also need to realize that if I'm going to have a mental breakdown I need to leave the room because though I love it when I know people care about me and want to make sure I'm ohkay, I feel realllllllly bad for making them worry and have to go out of their way for me even though that's what friends do and such...so no more mental breakdowns in public places...maybe I'll spend some more time behind the curtains I put up on my bed. I really need a new perspective on what's going on, I don't know what to do, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to find out, and I don't know if i can wait it out and see without becoming a recluse. Even if i can't stand humanity, I love being with people...especially people who make me happy. And now I think I've taken my rambling possibly too far. Maybe I'll finish later....the ups and the downs move too quickly for me, why can't I level out? I think in this case, I could settle for mediocre.

Ok, so new subject: another pretty good band is sugarcult...I'm not so much into bands like them, but I make an exception for this. I like it, and even if I'm in the happiest mood ever I think i would still enjoy their music...."I wish it was raining, cuz I hate every beautiful day..." yeah, I'm definetly feeling that. So did anyone see downtown right after the big rain thing? Cuz Houston actually looked PRETTY. Yes, scary, i know...but the rain kinda 'washed' the soot and disgustingness off the buildings, and the wind temporarily blew the smog and gross shit out of the air around here, so the sunset....was beautiful...the only thing that could have made it better would have been a citywide power outage so there were NO lights so that I could have seen the stars. I haven't REALLY watched the stars in so long...i feel like I'm taking them for granted...they're so beautiful and i just ignore them and do stupid things instead...I hate being stupid, because then I'm no better than all of the people i want to send to Cuba...
If I'm stupid will you send me to Fiji? I promise I won't come back. Ever. So my friend told me that I should never actually go to Fiji because if I did, and one single thing went wrong, no matter how small, stupid or insignificant, or if it wasn't exactly what I expected it to be, I would be so let down and heartbroken that I could never live it down. I'm not so sure what to say to that...I mean, on one hand, I see his point, I have used Fiji as an escape for going on probably going on 5 years now...and it's not like I'll be going any time soon, so I'll have even more time to fantasize about how wonderful it is and if (when) i do go, it could never be as great as i dreamt it to be. But, on the other hand, I realize this, and so although i say i expect it to be the best place in the world, i know that the only best place in the world for me would be an island with just me on it where people came to visit uber often. But only certain people, only the ones i wanted. It could be like that movie with the little short guy that takes your baggage off the plane and then the tall guy with the accent in the white suit saying "ch-ello, welcome to Heather's Fijian island" with his cool accent....yeah whatever movie that was, i know someone knows what the fuck im talking about...and if i could get the damn comment shit to work then maybe i'd know too....
So Fiji is my ultimate escape, if anyone wants to help me get there, you need only buy a one way ticket, because I won't be coming back. So, if you really like me and want to see me the happiest i've ever been, or you really hate me and want me to leave forever ( i dont really care which ) Fiji would be the ultimate way to go.

So i think i have talked way too much tonight, and thought even more. Thinking is the worst possible thing you could EVER do. EVER. I mean it. You know, if people didn't put so much fucking thought into things that were so easy to do....everything would be so much simpler. I mean that in the most general sense too....i mean take math for example. A completely man-made 'science' ..and i use the term 'science' very lightly in this case. Now, how is it that things that exist naturally have so few rules, and the rules that are there are pretty much uber apparent....but all this man made shit that guys who couldnt get a girlfriend decided to come up with has to be so fucking complicated? Obviously it doesn't. I mean, it's so stupid...something completely made up, yet we base everything we know around it...and it's become where these obvious natural things have to be 'proven' using our 'obviously superior' man made bullshit, and none of it even really exists....like i said, it was a bunch of guys who were sitting around talking about how they can't get girlfriends and they were like "man, you know what we should do? we should make up some bullshit, call it calculus and make all these people who can get girlfriends learn it so they have to know our pain" And the stupid fuckers bought it, so now everyone has to learn made up shit that doesnt really exist.
AND, the best part is, even if I'm wrong, it's ok, because I dont really care, I just think it's stupid. Just like me, only obviously it is > than me cuz its kicking my ass. So, if you want to disagree with me, go right ahead, you probably are right, but, hmm, i dont give a flying fuck. IN FACT, i dont even give a nonflying fuck.

Wow, ok so I just kinda stopped there and read what I had written because I was just writing everything that came to my mind as fast as i could so i wouldnt miss anything....and wow, I make no sense whatsoever....I think my thoughts jump and jumble around more than a fucking pingpong ball. *sigh* oh well, I've taken the time out of my evening when i could be sleeping (even though i wouldnt be because my body obviously still thinks that sleeping in 45 minute intervals is some kind of sick fun joke thing....) anyway, so i took the time to write it, now you have taken the time to read it...at least te last sentence.....and now let's see how the sleeping thing goes...maybe i should invest in sleeping pills or something if this continues much longer i might go insane...i mean insaner.

If you actaully read all of this, I guess you really do care, wow, *warm fuzzy loved feeling* ....or you were just really bored, wow *helped waste your time feeling* either way, you did the right thing, mate.