::deep breath:: ::crack knuckles:: ::exhale::

So Fiji, I'm not sure people understand it. Or my meaning behind it. Yeah, it's a place... a chain of over 200 islands to the NE of Australia to be exact. But that's not the important part. When I say "I want to go to Fiji" it doesn't really matter where. It could be the moon for all I care. It isn't here. Sometimes 'here' is just the exact place I don't want to be. Unfortunately I'm not much for out of body experiences, so no matter where I am, I'm 'here'. So yes, going to Fiji would be great, the ideal getaway place, my #1 choice. But then again, the moon isn't looking so bad either. Other than the whole lack of air thing. BUT, there's plenty of cheese!

Anyway, so better mood today, which is good. And Matlab...sucks. A lot. That's why I'm avoiding it. heh heh heh.

Realized some stuff I need to do, some stuff I don't. Hopefully my will is stronger than my want. I think some things are pushing me the wrong way, unless the wrong way is really the right way. But that's one of those things I won't know til it's too late it seems.

So lately I've been able to express my life in song lyrics. In the past bit, I think it's been a mix of the following:
"You could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."
"I hate everything about you, why do I love you"
"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear, and I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer"
"So pardon me while I burst into flames. I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games"
"Have you ever walked through a room, but it was more like the room passed around you. Like there was a leash around your neck that pulled you through...Have you ever been at someplace, recognizing everybody's face, until you realized that there was no one there you knew"

I guess that's not uber deep and reflective, but I guess that's all the stuff going on in my mind. I'll post more "life felt lyrics" if/when I think of them.

Oh, and I want to apologize to all of the people who have had to put up with my bitching. Sorry guys, but thanks for doing it anyway. You're good friends. :)